i'm so tired. i barely wear makeup anymore in order to boost clear skin, and because i'm lazy. but not wearing makeup makes me want to wear makeup to cover my less than perfect skin but that would just cause it more imperfection. or so i think. i don't really enjoy it all that much recently.

a little while ago i came to the realization that not everyone blows their nose every day. i think i will always struggle with allergies.

hi tiffany.

i feel like i'm drifting away from the lord, it's such a roller coaster. or once i explained it in a way i liked it alot, here i think in a previous entry, being a christian is like having a small flame inside of you, sometimes it's strong and bright, sometimes it's small, just a flicker, it's our desire to always keep it strong and vivid but we always fail for some reason or another, laziness, social pressure, being busy, regardless, it happens.

but it never goes out, it never dies completely, it is always there, in the darkest of times it may be barely visible but it's there.

i finished the book i was reading "a walk with jane austen" or something, even though i haven't read any of her books, i've wanted to and i've seen the movies, i so reccomend the book. the author was so real and honest about her faith and struggles and i underlined so much of the book, her opinions on guys and "typical Christian guys" who are boring or overly religious was so refreshing, i love love LOVE reading things are watching a movie even where something is said in a way that i relate too, something i can't articulate as well, another kindred spirite who feels the same way i do in a certain area. it's marvelous.

i so want to find a kindred spirit to travel the US, it's my goal, to drive around america taking photographs. like in those books in Borders, the ones on the clearance rack of the photographs taken around america.

i want to do that, only much more than one book. so many pictures of our country, it's so huge, and then europe too! to drink wine in the streets like that ladyhawke song that sparked that desire.

"all of the kids drinking wine on the sidewalks" [in paris.]

and i want to learn to speak french, and spanish, i never wanted to learn spanish until i saw "vicky christina barcelona"

but these are all just thoughts and wishes, things my nature would never do. the 18 years of my life and the way that it's been led do not lead up to those things.

i have not taken action.