i hate trying to figure out what tp put in what journal. what to share and keep to myself. i tried to keep this journal emptier, more organized like so many journals i see but i want to be able to write. i don't have anywhere to write on the computer. my tumblr is reserved to pictures and such. i'm suffering from vertigo again today. my entire family has a cold and i haven't gotten it yet, yet i want to. i'm going off the deep end in english, being homeschooled all my life and not doing most of that work in high school then taking this class is overwhelming. i have the final draft of an essay due tomorrow morning about a stupid nars blush. stupid. i like being visibly sick, it helps me show what i feel like inside almost every day. i lack motivation. i can't wait to have a bigger room and set up a place to paint and learn to sew. maybe i'll do that and sell stuff on etsy and not have to get a job. right now there is no room. i don't think college is for me, i want it to be but it makes me miserable. except for my painting class, my teacher is beyond any other teacher. he's hilarious and quirky and smart and amazing. i wish i could take classes from him forever. i adore not having a boy in my life. whenever i get close my mind goes wild, stressing about eveything and i can't control liking a guy so i love not liking one. i'm so much more content. guys only cause me stress and heartache, that's all they've ever done. i dont' want to like one for a while. i hope my heart remembers that. i think my favorte foods are pigs in the blanket (with the doughy middle of biscuit) and donuts. and soda. today i got into ingrid michaelson. yesterday i learned: gustav klimt used actual gold in his paintings. dorothea tanning is one of my favorite artists. cold sores stay in your system forever. my dad has one currently and has suffered from them ever since he caught one from my late older sister years and years ago. they stay in your system and randomly flare up your whole like. trippy yes? i think that's all i learned yesterday...

from my lj now such things will be written herez.