psych appt. today but i didn't know how to get to the hospital coming from the opposite direction, from my school not my house. my dad kept trying to explain it, i just wanted to stick to a way i could see in my head, that would take longer but i that way i knew exactly how to get there, i've since realized i'm a visual learner, if i can't see it in my head i don't know what you're talking about i won't be able to figure it out. i got to school and then two girls in my class kept trying to explain the way my dad tried to, over and over i just could not grasp it. i couldn't see it in my head. i felt so dumb but what's new, i lack common sense. i decided to go the way i knew until the last second i made a split decision and turned on an exit i thought they were taking about, i didn't merge correctly because i wasn't thinking and ended up on H3, the highway that's one of the few on the island that has a speed limit of 60 mph. it goes through the mountains with no exits for a long while, i kept trying to get off but i couldn't, i felt so trapped going that fast surrounded only by mountians towering above me, it reminded me of when i used to drive to see d becuase he loved at kbay. all i could do was drive forward. i started crying and called my mom, it was so horrible. feeling trapped in that state where i felt close to him, to what i used to be. it didn't help that it was grey and gloomy outside. nope, not at all. i came up where there's one of the prettiest views, you're up way high with mountains around and it opens up below and you can see cities and the edges of the island then the ocean, it's beautiful. i was stupid and decided to try and take pictures with my phone solely for livejournal while driving, i was snapping away and looked at the road and saw myslef swerving to the car next to me, i jerked the wheel the other way but then almost ran into the concrete median, again i jerked the wheel back the other way causing my car to goout of control swerving back and forth extremely fast until i got control of it. i was so shooken up, i was so close to smashing right into it, on the other side was the two lanes going the opposite direction and then the drop aka great view. i'm probably a pansy but i really don't even like thinking about it. i saw myself crashing and if i would have, it would have been bad, i was just so close to it, so incredibly close. of course my heart was beating out of control and i was breaking out in sweats. i still was trying to get off that darn highway though. i ended up in some town in kaneohe, i started crying hysterically again, getting lost in hawaii is entirely not fun but maybe it's that way everywhere. i eventually found my way back. needless to say my day was full. just that hour. i can't wait to get to texas. and heck yes i'm uploading those photos, they may be cruddy but i don't care, they are worth posting. oh and you can even see the thing that almost took my life on the left off all of them. the last one is a milli-second before the incident. and oh yeah i listened to taylor swift's new album all day long and i'm only mildy ashamed of that fact.