Thursday, September 25, 2008

i have too many social networking sites. i think it's making my soul die.
i need to get rid of some.


it's making me sick.
yet i'm sitting here as minute after minute ticks by sleepy as heck and i can't eliminate even one.

i'm going to pass out. i think one of my arms is groing. i just spelled that wrong and it wasnt a typo.
why do i feel the need to express myself soooo much in all these areas?
facebook keep
myspace keep
livejournal keep
i just discovered tumblr and it's really neat. keep.

oh my how sad, you are the one to go.
my gosh i keep going abcka nd forth i just need to go to sleep.
and wake up and make more ugly pottery.

i have too many words and thoughts i want to share for my own good.
ok it's not dead. i need somewhere to get all my thoughts out. i feel like i'm clogging this one up though. so i made another to keep nicer.

my phone keeps freaking out. i should figure out how to use that mac journal thingamajig. then i can release my unedited thoughts there.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

i now have...3 active online journals. no, 4.
i'm going to try and focus on the above one, it's easier to use than this.
this is now dead.
i want someone to make things with, music? i can make strange noises. or maybe decorate things. paint. draw. design.
we could cook. or bake. we could sew little stuffed animals with squishy faces.

dear God,

do you know what you're doing? really? because sometimes i get worried that this whole not pursuing or showing interest thing isn't going to work. that you're going to end up giving me no one or someone who's not as cool as the guy i dream of.
someone who's boring, someone i don't think is hot. someone who thinks piercings and tattoos are ugly or ungodly. someone who isn't creative and doesn't think i am either. someone who's not spontaneous, who won't do roadtrips and run away together with me. someone i have to help. someone who's not a leader. someone who is judgemental. 
sometimes i think that i will end up with someone who is a strong Christian and desires to follow the Lord but will be boring or unattractive to put it in a nutshell. someone i may have to change for. take out a piercing, put off ever getting a tattoo. stop listening to secular music or loving trashy tv.
but then i think, look at me. i'm cool, i desire to follow the Lord but i'm far from a square in my opinion.
so maybe somewhere there is a boy version of me, only different. more brave. a leader. someone who takes initiative.
i hate that i can't get this image of a particular person out of my head through almost this entire speel.
so Lord, i'm trusting you. sometimes i doubt but ultimately i know that you know me. that you can give me someone better than i even hoped for.
and please help me stop thinking about so and so. it's not good and is driving me nutso.
i lingered in the classroom after everyone had left. i was just confused, i don't even know about what.
my teacher asked if i was getting everything and handling it,
i asked her if she thought i was going to fail, she said no she didn't think so and that i was very bright.
sh'es an older asian lady, her heart must be small but that's ok. she told us when she decided to get married she literally made charts and added or subtracted points from the 5 men she was considering.
she decided to do this after realizing that she would like to have children and thus had to get married.
she's very analytical i think.
but i so enjoy feeling like i did well. only then i get to class and we go over the assignment and i see how horribly wrong i was.
i'm trying.

"Too many Christian women think that the inner longings of their heart relate only to love, marriage and motherhood. Look a little closer and see if that longing isn't ultimately for Jesus."

"No one, not even the man you will marry someday, can make you happy-only Jesus can."

"One's friends drive you either toward or away from God"

"A whole new generation of Christians has come up believing that it is possible to 'accept' Christ without forsaking the world." - A.W. Tozer.

"The saddest thing one meets is a nominal Christian." - Amy Carmichael

My big prayer right now is to stop thinking about my husband, to stop thinking about who he might be. To stop thinking about the guys in or out of my life that may be him.
To stop thinking about guys. Turn my daydreaming head off.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

it would so help if i knew how to use my ipod.
because i so think it's lying when it says i can only have 3ooish songs.

the republic tigers makes me happy. they're a bandddd. omg so happy.

also. i suck at pottery, you know, the wheel, using the wheel, going fast, flinging clay and making stupid cylinders and matching bowls.
it's harder than it looks. FOR REAL it is.
but not too hard because i'm honestly doing the worse out of my whole class, i've looked around. I'm not doing the worst in painting i will admit but i am queen loser in ceramics.
i made a cylinder, it was supposed to be 6". it's not, he's all lumpy...i named him jaba because all the caly lumps and things look like jaba the hut. and i probably spelled that wrong because i'm not a star wars speller.
but they do! in color and shape and they get slimy.
so i have a jaba the vase that i'm pleased with. i decided that to keep from getting discouraged imm just going ot have fun and not stress about the absent teacher who hates everyone but the pretty asian ladies who are BOMB at doing this.
bomb as in good.

i'm bomb as in KAAAPOOOOSHHH. slap slap.
there is the CUTEST old man i have ever seen in my liiifeeee in the pottery room thing, the "senior citizens" hang around and work on their masterpieces and try to help us.
i tried taking video of him with my phone today to show my mom his adorableness.
you have no idea.

speaking of, i've had this particular phone since december and only...2 days ago did i discover that yes, i have video capabilities.
um. huzzah please.
and a slap on the face for me.
i'm a music snob. you know those people that hear something on the radio and say, "yeah, i liked them a year or two ago, beforee they got famous". and then sneer.
that's me. i do that, i enjoy doing that. i want people to know that i knew music before they did!
i'm such a brat!
guess what i liked metro station a year ago, when almost no one knew who they were i listened to "kelsey" all the time.
and katy perry, heard of her too. then WOAH she's huge.
i know almost all the words to savage's "swing". freal, it's actually quite unlike me.
now i'm going to name drop people who may make it big but you heard from me before that kind of.
lykke li.

now i'm drawing a total blank.
band of horses.
tilly and the wall.
blonde redhead.
joanna newsom.
ex vivian [who is an actress also, she was in "what happens in vegas" and will be in the new shopaholic movie]
bon iver.
robots in disguise.
gogol bordello.
a fine frenzy.
unkle bob.

i'm really really lame for doing this. all around. 

i actually am a happy person.
a sad person does not wear a bright red 101 dalmations tshirt with matching turquoise earrings and eyeliner.
today after going to a movie with a friendish i realized that perhaps i should not be in social situations.
at least ones where i'm not fully comfortable with the person. i literally trip my words up. my brain moves way too fast so when i  speak i don't know which of the many words in my head to say- so i try to just not talk.
or i stutter.
or make weird squinty faces because i don't have my glasses on.
i'm freaking awkward and not in the cool way.

my gooooshhhh do i need coffee.

Monday, September 22, 2008

i wore boots today. i struggle. sometimes i see no light.

what am i doing with my life?
what if i lead this lifestyle, this upright one. this one preparing myself for my husband. one who lives a life worshiping her Lord and then what. I die. i just literally die or get raptured.
i'm sorry but i want to get married. i want a husband someday and that's just what the book i just started was talking about last night. "lady in waiting" have you read it? and who is the implied "you" that i am talking to? the universe? hey universe have you read this book. the universe has read every book.
it talks about how women think the longing in their heart is for a man, for a husband, marriage, children. but it's not. that longing is not for that. it is for our Prince jesus christ.
and i know i shouldn't but i do. sometimes a girl just needs some girlfriends who feel the same way or felt a similar way. it's so hard in this world today. it is.

to want to follow my Lord but to not be a total square. a balance? to have this struggle every day. every hour to follow him, it will always be a struggle. to stay on track, to not slip. to keep The fire in my heart ignited. 

like a torch, a ceremonial one that people keep lit for years, i might just be making this up but i think it's real.
there is a torch in my heart. in every believer's heart that flickers, sometimes it dies so low you can barely see it and that's what mine did for a few months a few months ago. but we add fuel when we worship, when i just sing my heart out to Phil Wickham in the car. Sometimes the fire gets lower, sometimes it sways but it always stays there. And my job is to keep it as bright as i can. I fail every day. I fail for weeks at a time but it is always there waiting for me to bring it back to life again.

Sunday, September 21, 2008




I had a dream last night we were all in a house, different than this one, not even like a house really. It had a balcony so the second floor was open. There were other people, maybe they were family. Someone, I'm pretty sure my mom or someone representing my mom was in a room with the door shut, a gun shot went off. Lindsey I think it was and maybe the other girls, or some other people were going to go see what happened, I screamed for them to stop, to not open the door. They did anyways and said there was gunpowder. I kept screaming at them to get away because I knew someone had shot themself inside.
Then there was some sort of a fire, I had a kitten but I still had to get Lillie, I grabbed her and my mom was there but different. I put Lillie and the kitten or some small animal in a suitcase to leave, I put Tee Tee and my blankie in too.
Earlier in the dream someone had died, someone close to me, a boyfriend maybe. Everyone was crying, there was a basketball court. I cried so so hard. Then it was just a "One Tree Hill" and I was crying so hard because a character died in the episode. 
I tried to keep my sisters in an area upstairs that was kind of like a Christian bookstore, they were on the floor. I looked around and surrounding the area they were in all of the products had orange or pink sale stickers, they were safe as long as they stayed surrounded by the products with these stickers, I told them that.

my dreams are wack?

Friday, September 19, 2008

one time i tried to do my makeup like lillie's.  mainly just my eyeliner like hers.
i want to be closer to your Lord. Closer to everything. I'm so far into myself and all my petty thoughts and fears and jealousies and worries. I'm so far inside myself sometimes i don't fit in everywhere. I'm faking everything I do and I always am. I feel like a shell. I feel like i should die soon but not in a morbid way I just feel out of sorts.
I want friends. I want a stable place. I want to have lived somewhere permanent. I want people. I want someone's else's life. I want to know my schoolwork.
I worry I'm doing You Lord all wrong. Like i'm trying to follow you but I'm accidentally doing it wrong am I'm going to go to hell because somewhere along the way I misinterpreted what I was supposed to do.
I'm so sorry I'm up and down. I'M LUKEWARM so vomit me out of your mouth just as I vomit these words out every day. These useless words of crap.
vomit me out becasue i deserve it. I don't know how to follow you. My mind my heart cannot stay focused I am all over the place and nowhere at all at the same time. I am nowhere and I am nothing and I am all over the place like murky water. Brown brown brown.

my coffee is weeeaaaakkkkk. grossgrossgross.

this is for ideas.
things i may want to embellish on later or not, just jotting things down via type type.
i need to grow my bangs out, they are a hassle.
new glasses but i don't know where my prescription and i don't want to go see the eye doctor so soon just for that and that is why i went last time so i don't want to repeat.

i want to be genuinely nice. a very sweet person. and i want to not care what other people think. i don't think i've said i don't care what ANYONE THINKS. that's just something i want and i try to feel and i don't care what some people think but sometimes little feelings crawl into my head.
my brain is like a bowl full of noodles.

things-pictures-people that inspire me:
everytime i post pictures they just appear at the top. it annoys me to some degree.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

there's this person. someone who i've always had a teensy crush on, one of those kinds where i don't even really think about him that often but when i do it gives me hope, he gives me hope that there are great guys out there who love the lord but aren't total squares.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

explosions in the sky

The song crawls inside of me. Or seeps inside of me. 
It comes out of the speakers and I can feel it dancing around me drifting and webbing its way through me down deep and underneath my hair. 
Wrapping itself like a vine around and around my bones all the way down to my finger tips and energy radiates from my fingerprints.
I should be able to float with all of this around me. 
I should be able to hover above everything as my body thins out and becomes transparent. 
It spreads itself wide as a cloud and white as one too, my hair grows longer and longer and drifts behind me dancing with the music notes, while playing some of their own.
I am my own conductor, I am my own symphony.
And slowly as the music softens and slows I drift back down to life, airily landing back in my seat, as light as a tissue thrown in the air softly floats back down for gravity cannot defy itself forever even within my own mind. 
My fingers fall back on these keys but still it radiates within me. 
Warming my joints ever so delicately I still feel it and again I drift back up starting with my hair it lifts up and as I tilt my head along with it the rest of me melts and rises for nothing is keeping me down here.
I am my own symphony.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

because ever since ever ive loved drawing cartoons, girls mainly. how sweet would that be? and i could incorporate all my childish behavior and likes into it.
mmm mmm mmm.
but whatevs, i have to develop talent first.
only on my 2nd cup of coffee for the day...i'd be drinking way more coffee if i had time in the morning to too...or if i had the will to get up earlier.
i was so tired in ceramics today, i'm really dislinking that class, partly because i suck majorly at it.
stupid cylinder.
and now we have to make 4 matching bowls. then 4 matching cups. and i still haven't made that 6inch cylinder.
i'm supposed to apply myself in my english class, the one where only about 4 or 5 of her students in ALL of her classes get an A per semester.
yeah huh.
i should actually work at it though. i'm the laziest person everrrrr.
hi mom. lovelovelove ooo.

Monday, September 15, 2008

am so excited about moving to texas yet on the way home today driving on hickam i realized im going to miss the heck out of it.
i'm been on this tiny base for...6 years. i'm gonna miss driving by the little baseball filed where we used to go and watch bekah play her baseball games. the bx full of memories of shopping there, all teh departments. trying on and buying makeup there all through the years. our old house and the neighborhood surrounding it.
it's almost like i barely went to highschool. so when my teacher mentions my "intelligent answers" on a sheet i turned in i glow inside, even if next she said i didn't explain enough.
it's an incredibly frustrating feeling to not have any skills that i know of. to sit down and want to draw but have no inspiration of my own and everything that comes out i have to struggle with and the end product is barely ordinary.
quite plainly it sucks.
it just really sucks.
i'm not a writer. photographer. painter. draw-er [?]. actor. dancer. singer. musician. maker of clothes. makeup artis. hair stylist. none of those creative artistic things that are the center of my life, do you know how frustrating that is? to want just one of these things and not having it. feeling born to do something you can't?

i'm going to go eat a peanut butter jelly and cheezit sandwich.
because i'm getting fat and i might as well eat when i'm hungry.

OH and also not a filmaker or documentarian....i'm sure there will be more of those creative professions that i will think of that i am not.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

i have such a hard time saving images on my computer. stupid mac. when i "save as" and put them in a folder i can't find them to upload somehwere else or they're just all codes and i don't know what they are.

TO TRY: sandals/heels with socks.
pictures from lisaplace

homework makes my soul shrivel.
like when you burn a piece of paper it curls into itself smaller and smaller until it's all gone.
only i never quite get to the point where my soul is non-existent...
then again i'm only taking one class.
and that is why i cannot finish college, i will gain a larger brain but lose my SOUL.

i think i just want to get a nice little job i love, big money not needed, only happiness. a little boutique, A SMALL USED OR NEW BOOKSTORE, a little vintage shop. somewhere i can wear what i want and have piercing[s] and tattoo[s] not that i have the latter....yet. and got to art school but i probably can't do that and be a manic pixie dream girl  {} and worship my lord with all my heart.

that's the life. college? i don't think so much. speaking of i have homeowrk due tomorrow.

and also my mom and i finished all the seasons of friends last night, i watched the last episode and everything, something i vowed never to do because of the utter sadness associated and it was weird because i've seen every other episode multiple times.
words cannot express how much i love that show, i can only put it as simply as that.
we were so sad so now we're starting back with season one.  we will continue this loop for the rest of our liiiiives.
buying all ten seasons [gradually] was the best investement of mah liiiiifeee. and hers because i didn't pay for all of them.


oh yeah and my hair is "light aubrun" only not so light....veddy pritty doe.
i was telling lindsey about sarah palin's stance on killing wolves and such and made her cry and now she thinks im horrible.
that wasn't my intention, i don't know exactl what it was. i just wanted her to know but why? Why did I want her to know? She's obsessed with wolves but supports sarah palin.

we settled it, we both cried but it's ok. i'm still not voting for her though, and i heard obama doesn't want the national anthem to be sung adn won't sing it himself? is that true.

i don't think  i'm voting.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

i just found THE BEST photobucket of background images. soo pretty. so excited i wish i had more myspaces and sites to put backgrounds on because i can't pick just one!
i am just not one of those people who can go days or a week or weeks without washing their hair, i washed it day before yesterday and it's so greazy and smelly already.

i think i'm going to dye my hairs today. i vowed to never dye my hairs since i did when i was 13ish and then last year a bleached a few pieces and they got very upset and i concluded i do not have hair dying hair.
but i was thinking that life is too short to be so attached to one color.
though the change will no doubt be very subtle.
still, i just hope all my hairs don't get sick...

Friday, September 12, 2008

i don't know if he will ever stop haunting me.
wasn't i supposed to be washed clean and forgiven?
i don't feel that way sometimes, not at all.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

i'm going to stop picking my nails. never in my life have i had natural length on my nails. never. ever since i can remember i've picked at my nails, a habit many people have never heard of or understand, they just think i'm a nail biter which i am really not.
imagine you're trying to peel a stubborn price sticker of a book, you pick pick pick at it, or have superglue stuck to the tips of your fingers, that's how i pick at my nails. as soon as i feel a rough edge i just unconsciously pick at it. 80% of the time i don't even know i'm doing it. i do it with one hand sometimes. sometimes i pick just to make a rough edge.
enough about that.
i found a new pretty band: Espers.
i assume cool people know of the same bands and books and movies as me. most of them don't. at all.

some depression is fleeting.
how do people brush their teeth in the shower?
the last time i tried i nearly choked to death.

weather does affect mood.
weather does affect mood.
weather does affect mood.

i love that the newest essay we're supposed to annotate i found on the new york times website.
[i'm finding it online to print as i don't want to mark up my book. resaleee.]
speaking of i still need to get rid of my eng 21 book...waste.

i'm so tired. so weird feeling. my eyes are sleepy yet they stay wide open in a trance with the world.
i need to make coffee.
simonne said i'm obsessed with coffee.
isn't everyone these days?
today was very cloudy and gray. like a big damp grey cloth hung over the sky.
i found a mix cd i made last year with great songs, gregory and the hawk, mayday parade, cake, jupiter sunrise etc. it kept skiping though.
i also saw a dead cat on the side of the road, it was white with different colored patches. seeing it shook the inside of me, like i skipped over the crying part and just went to the dull silence feeling out of it.
i don't have homework today so i'm in bed with lillie.
my hands are s dry from ceramics.

i'm aching to create a new livejournal i just can't think of a very plain name. one short word repeating itself perhaps. 
working on it.

Monday, September 8, 2008

part of me wishes i would have looked up my eng teacher on ratemyprofessor before taking her class. part of me is glad i didn't because i think this class will prepare me well. if i pass.
sucks that this is my first real class and she did not get good reviews. at all. 
examples. i don't know how to format the stupid thing.

The worst teacher ever. She should be fired. Questionable grading skills and impossible to get along with. WARNING... DO NOT TAKE HER. Dave Bird is a wayyyyy better teacher and is very helpful and understanding to everyone. Levy makes you feel horrible and starting hating the subject. I went from loving English to hating it all thanks to her

It was hard. A LOT of people dropped the class. I did learn and she was very willing to help if you needed it. It's a real "welcome to college" class. Not bad but just be prepared to work.

Her teaching/grading method's highly questionable. Requires 6 essays - 3 research papers, an ungodly amount of homework, and lots of quizes. And dont throw anything away- she collects it all at the end! If you like English, think twice. You may lose your interest at the end. If you dont like it from get go, then I advise you to go elsewhere.

She is tough. If she spent as much time teaching as she does handing out assignments more people would pass her class. Don't take this class if your schedule is already full.

 She really doesn't teach. She just hands out assignments, and greades them.

i desperately want to speak spanish fluently, it just hit me while watching "vicky christina barcelona", i'd never really wanted to learn at all until i heard it in that movie and since then the desire has only grown and grown.

things i could do right now that would be beneficial:

[1] do my questions&answers thing for english, meaning ask 2 questions per paragraph of the essay we're studying and answer them. it won't be too bad because i thoroughly enjoy and understand the essay, the author's point in the essay is her opinion that one does not need a college degree to be successful and too many young people nowadays are thinking that a college degree is the gateway to success thus cluttering up colleges and seeing them as 4 years of time before starting their real life full of money and opportunities. i agree with her, i don't necessarily know if i will stay in college, i want to have that education but i'm just not sure it will make me happy, i don't want to waste 4 years of unhappiness just so i can say i have a degree or so people will respect my opinions more. especially with all this endtimes talk. im' just very laidback i think. 

[2] make a list of each of the essay requirments for the 4 more essays we will do to hang up by my desk so i can be htinking on them throughout the semester.

i thought i was doing bad in this class but i get there today and there are people that didn't even type their essay up, who only filled half a page who are generally just not giving it very much thought. though i'm not busting my butt or freaking out i am giving it my best try, i'm not going to stress myself out to make it perfect. i'm doing what is required to the best of my normal ability and am doing okay for not having written an essay ever before.
i think i'll just watch tv and wait for my headache to go far far away.

status of crush: still hoping.
stop it chelsea you freaking fool he hasn't even TALKED to you, obviously he does not feel anything at all for you at all.
so stop. you're a dumb girl.

it's 754 pm and i just got home. i was at school then simonne and i went to the gym then went back to her house for dinner and watched "the secret life of an american teen" marathon. it's such a stupid show full of bad acting and writing, and is just not believable but yet we keep watching.
my head is killing me! i rarely get headaches but recently i've been getting them more frequently.
i posted my outfits from today and yesterday, same shoes for both. i should really boost the energy and bump the laziness and use my actual camera.
i feel really weird, i'm not used to being gone all's disruptive to my lazy pattern.

you want to know how much i hate laundry? i still have crap in the bottom of my hamper from my trip to colorado...a month...month and a half ago?
i'm chelsea, i'm disgusting. 

Saturday, September 6, 2008

kitty's name is yoda, adorable. has 4 ears. and lillie only has two. forshame.
typed the essay up, still need mom's kind editing.
in line at the gate someone next to me honked and when i looked some young guy slowly waved and smiled. it was really strange, things like that don't really happen to me often. i think i give off a very "Don't talk to me" vibe.

every day i drive in my car i get out all wet with sweat, it's disgusting.
i have a headache but i need to write the second draft of my essay that's due monday, but i don't want to. no i don't. but i should because simonne is coming over tonight to watch antm and/or "Dedication" which i bought used at blockbuster for $3.99! so exciting, i really enjoyed that movie. i really enjoy mandy moore in that movie.
I also bought "Lolita" for $1.99, the 90's version film, excited about that too. I want to read his other books.

Friday, September 5, 2008

STATUS OF CRUSH: has kept on keeping on


i actually enjoy being single for the most part. honestly i do.
no worries.

Thursday, September 4, 2008


i want to be smart. and yes, that was said in the most idiotic way but that's it put simply. 
i suppose my first step can be doing my homework aka reading one chapter for the one and only read class i have.
and i still need to start on the second draft of my essay.

i honestly think you learn so so much from reading, even subconsciously you're learning things. 
if you read well written books full of underused intellectual words you will of course pick up on those and begin to use them yourself.
if you repeatedly see things properly spelled, capitalized and punctuated you will of course start to mimic those patterns.

i honestly do not think i could be with someone who didn't enjoy reading. 
boys who read good books make me swoon.
also, i'm pretty sure only me and one other person in my english 100 class knows who bob dylan is. okokok so i thought he was dead until a few weeks ago but i STILL knew who he actually was.
though i don't like him all that much, he's alright.
i'm wearing overalls today. i've realized that i'm not fashionable, just a lover of clothes and the like.
because me today, not fashionable. unless you count baggy overalls with clay stuck all over fashionable.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008


this past week hawaii has driven me crazy with its heat. i want to wear layers! i want to not sweat sticks when driving to and from school. or just walking around my outdoor campus. i'm actually getting darker according to my mom all this being in the sun, only i'm not in the sun that much. i just tan fast because i'm part native american.
seriously though.
last night my mom and i went to the bx to peruse makeup, an activity we used to do alot more when i was younger, it was sew fun! my goodness i forgot that i really really really like makeup. and she buys it for me!
so. much. fun.
here's the outfit i wore today, not fashionable. whatever. i liked it. even though my shoes did say "i support nick jonas" i borrowed them from my 11 year old sister who's trying to collect every shade of converse sneaks.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008


last night mom said my hair was starting to look like amy winehouse's so this morning i used conditioner and brushed it out. now i have some clay in it from pottery today.

i've decided i'm not so good at pottery and don't enjoy it all that much. it's fun but not as fun as my painting class or drawing. could also be because my ceramics teacher isn't very good, she's either not in the classroom or is just walking around. there's not so much teaching as just leaving us at out wheels and consulting her when we have questions.

i found a new artist i like today, jen yang. the above picture is by her.

i should just go to an art school. honestly it's all i enjoy doing really.
i wish i never had homework. that i could go and learn and come home.
why am i so lazy? i am the laziest person i know. i just love sitting, i love being in bed. i love watching tv. 

i feel as though i'm going to go through life and not make a difference. nothing will change. no one will be affected by me.
counting the days til we move. there is nothing for me here. no, not a thing.

fly hi

my eyes just cannot stay open tonight. and slathering tea tree oil all over my face creating fumes that seep into the vicinity of my eyes does not make it better.
i talked to my mom about the school thing and she says to focus on the here and now, right now i'm only taking one "real" class that is sucky.
the other ones are art, where i feel good. but maybe everyone would rather take some painting class where you just go and paint rather than go to a lecture or write papers or study.
i'm not sure i'm part of the minority or not, stating the obvious or not.
i enjoy sitting on the couch begging my eyes to stay cracked open enough to see and chatting with my mom or "blabbing" as she calls it while muching on fritos and kool-aid.
i don't care too much that i'm put on...5ish pounds. i'm curvy, yes i'm quite quite short but as simonne said "i'm real small but have got HIPS". i'ts true, i'm tiny but i have curves.
so it's like i'm a small woman....
whoahman dem curves don neva stoppp.
pottery tomorrow, then i need to find 2 other objects that portray who i am [i already have le bible] and someday i need to start work on the 2nd draft of my essay due monday.

wednesday we're painting with RAGS and ORANGEY REDDY BROWNY COLORED PAINT.
he said it'd be extra messy so to bring gloves.
it's not like i have any nails. i don't think i have ever picked so many of my nails as far down as they are right now. it's horrible.
on the other hand my gams are smooth like whipped that evens out my lack of lady nails.
non? oui.
dey hurt doeee.

Monday, September 1, 2008

i wish i never had to bathe.
i wish my hair never grew smelly.
i wish unsightly hair never grew where only smooth skin should be.

but for now i'm going to go take a shower.
Header image by sabrinaeras @ Flickr