i'm starting to think that i don't want to fall in love.

what!? that's always been all I wanted, all.

but everytime i see someone talk about their love, or i see a lovey dovey graphic on tumblr...i think to myself, that it's weak.

i feel like i've experienced love, i've loved boys and though there were good times there was also torture, i always turned into a wreck. the constant waiting for a text message, wondering how they feel. all. the. time.

so much energy and emotion put into something. it's absolutely miserable. and then at the end it's even worse.

i don't like who i am in relationships. i don't like the mind games, the wondering if they're going to hold your hand. all of it. it makes me sick.

it's a waste, ultimately.

i don't know what's happened. maybe someday i'll meet someone who will defy what i believe. a true prince.

but even if that happens, i hope i keep this mindset. this cynical one, i hope it stays with me and protects me. prevents me from becoming that girl i was who i never want to be again.

i still want a truly amazing guy, i do. but i can't imagine him, i can't imagine someone that meets my expectations, someone unlike anyone i've ever met. 

the images i have are fabrications, characters from movies and tv shows all wrapped up into a blurry state.

i'm jaded. and i like it that way.