right now i'm reading "cherry" by mary karr. she's a really good writer, a poet. it's a memoir.

then i'm going to read "shopgirl" i think and i have 4 virginia woolf books and 2 more i got from savers...and the leslie ludy one.

i think i'm getting back on track with my relationship with the lord.

i like thinking about my husband when i'm at places. mmm like today at the cafeteria there were so many people talking and looking crude, one tall, large local guy behind me in line kept getting really close and making me tre uncomfortable and i started thinking about how nice it owuld be if my husband was here. i pictured him, tall, but not gangly, not fat. lightish hair, a beard...i think he had a plaid shirt on and was smiling. i wanted him to be there but i was so happy just thinking about the day he will be.

i hear about people geting married to their loves and saying things like "he wasn't what i had in mind or pictured but blablahblha" i don't want that to happen though, i like what i have in mind, it's kinda flexible.

i want him to be strong and driven and secure and humble and funny. i don't want him to joke all the time though. i don't want him to be insecure, im so sick of that, of hearing guys talk to me about how lame they are or dumb or shy or how they'll never get married. no, not someone like that at all.

someone who will be stronger than me in the lord, that will encourage my walk in a way that won't make me feel judged, i don't know how that will happen though.

there is no one in my life that could be this guy, no one. ok maybe that nice girl in my art class who's dad is a preacher and who's brother goes to school too and has abeard... but i odn't really know what he looks lke, only that he has a beard which is plus points for me.

anyways, yeah. i'm so happy for my heart righ tnow, for not having a crush to stress me out and be stupid over.

i hope htis lasts, i hate having feelings for guys but i can't control it. i'll just pray to keep this lack of sentiments on the downpour of my life. ?

speaking of i love the rain. so much, espeically at night and especially in the day time when i can be lazy.

what is better than laying in bed all day with rain pouring down outside with coffee and kitties and the tv?

nooothingngngngnggg.

i don't know if that's entirely simplistic of my or entirely slothly.