i'm waiting on my mom to get out of the bathroom to decide what to do. she cut her hair bad and i was mean about it, sometimes i think she wants me to be honest so i be brutally honest and then make her sad. then my dad was an arse about her hair and saying she was vain because she keeps cutting it. i said no, that's not true and to just leave and stop talking.

the mock trial thing was today. it was basically like a new therapist that knows nothing about my mental history so i got to tell her everthing. is it strange that i enjoy telling strangers about the traumatic events in my life? to enjoy waiting for a reaction, to see if it's worse than they expected or not as bad?

"cherry" is so friggin good, this author blows my mind. she's also a poet so the way she writes is someitmes like poetry. it's made me want to try out poetry, i've always thought it was boring. i'm a fast reader but with poems you have to slow down and focus on each words because poems are short, stories are long. so much more is packed in a short poem than in an excerpt from a book.

today at the mock trial iw as trying ot describe the people that aren't like me, the majority of or population. at my school, almost anywhere. i couldn't put it intot words and the words i did came out harsher than i intedned them to and didn't even accurately convey what i was trying to say. i said they were dumb? but tha's not it. tonight in "cherry" there was a part that summed it up, i wish i had known that beofre. it explains at least part of what i was trying to convey. i still dn't think i can explain fully in words....

immaturity?

no, the way mary karr did, or better yet her friend int he book since it's a memoir did it well.

i have homework for english but i haven't done it, nor do i inted to. i started this class ont ime and all but ive gotten more and more lenient about assinments. even though i don't want to keep pursuing college i don't want to fail thse few classes.

i just don't want to do the work either. i don't ahve a passion for writing essays about unsoulful things, not stories not feeling just facts and citings.

i feel like anyting i don't have  a passion for does no deserve to be done, or given my full attention.

i have a passion for tv watching?

there must be an underlying reason for my love of watching crime dramas in bed all day with lillie.