i want to be closer to your Lord. Closer to everything. I'm so far into myself and all my petty thoughts and fears and jealousies and worries. I'm so far inside myself sometimes i don't fit in everywhere. I'm faking everything I do and I always am. I feel like a shell. I feel like i should die soon but not in a morbid way I just feel out of sorts.

I want friends. I want a stable place. I want to have lived somewhere permanent. I want people. I want someone's else's life. I want to know my schoolwork.

I worry I'm doing You Lord all wrong. Like i'm trying to follow you but I'm accidentally doing it wrong am I'm going to go to hell because somewhere along the way I misinterpreted what I was supposed to do.

I'm so sorry I'm up and down. I'M LUKEWARM so vomit me out of your mouth just as I vomit these words out every day. These useless words of crap.

vomit me out becasue i deserve it. I don't know how to follow you. My mind my heart cannot stay focused I am all over the place and nowhere at all at the same time. I am nowhere and I am nothing and I am all over the place like murky water. Brown brown brown.

my coffee is weeeaaaakkkkk. grossgrossgross.