i want someone to make things with, music? i can make strange noises. or maybe decorate things. paint. draw. design.

we could cook. or bake. we could sew little stuffed animals with squishy faces.

dear God,

do you know what you're doing? really? because sometimes i get worried that this whole not pursuing or showing interest thing isn't going to work. that you're going to end up giving me no one or someone who's not as cool as the guy i dream of.

someone who's boring, someone i don't think is hot. someone who thinks piercings and tattoos are ugly or ungodly. someone who isn't creative and doesn't think i am either. someone who's not spontaneous, who won't do roadtrips and run away together with me. someone i have to help. someone who's not a leader. someone who is judgemental. 

sometimes i think that i will end up with someone who is a strong Christian and desires to follow the Lord but will be boring or unattractive to put it in a nutshell. someone i may have to change for. take out a piercing, put off ever getting a tattoo. stop listening to secular music or loving trashy tv.

but then i think, look at me. i'm cool, i desire to follow the Lord but i'm far from a square in my opinion.

so maybe somewhere there is a boy version of me, only different. more brave. a leader. someone who takes initiative.

i hate that i can't get this image of a particular person out of my head through almost this entire speel.

so Lord, i'm trusting you. sometimes i doubt but ultimately i know that you know me. that you can give me someone better than i even hoped for.

and please help me stop thinking about so and so. it's not good and is driving me nutso.