am so excited about moving to texas yet on the way home today driving on hickam i realized im going to miss the heck out of it.

i'm been on this tiny base for...6 years. i'm gonna miss driving by the little baseball filed where we used to go and watch bekah play her baseball games. the bx full of memories of shopping there, all teh departments. trying on and buying makeup there all through the years. our old house and the neighborhood surrounding it.

it's almost like i barely went to highschool. so when my teacher mentions my "intelligent answers" on a sheet i turned in i glow inside, even if next she said i didn't explain enough.

it's an incredibly frustrating feeling to not have any skills that i know of. to sit down and want to draw but have no inspiration of my own and everything that comes out i have to struggle with and the end product is barely ordinary.

quite plainly it sucks.

it just really sucks.

i'm not a writer. photographer. painter. draw-er [?]. actor. dancer. singer. musician. maker of clothes. makeup artis. hair stylist. none of those creative artistic things that are the center of my life, do you know how frustrating that is? to want just one of these things and not having it. feeling born to do something you can't?

IT SUCKS.

i'm going to go eat a peanut butter jelly and cheezit sandwich.

because i'm getting fat and i might as well eat when i'm hungry.

OH and also not a filmaker or documentarian....i'm sure there will be more of those creative professions that i will think of that i am not.

coffeecoffeecoffee