Sunday, January 18, 2009

alright so

Apparently my dad apologized this morning for getting drunk etcetera, etcetra? He said he regretted things.
Regardless, we're still going through, my mom told him it would just get bad again within a month or so.

We find out on Tuesday whether or not we can leave early. If movers come it would take about 30 days for out stuff to get to Kansas. So either we wait 30 days or move and live without various household items.
And we're still looking for a house, bouncing about between renting and buying. My mom has shown me soo many houses it's ridiculous, there's one that's just dreamy. And gorgeoussss Like really nice inside, and all of them have fire places! I don't know, maybe alot of houses have fire places...I don't remember the houses from before I was 11, plus I was always in base housing except for here for 6 months or so and it's not like they regularly install fireplaces in aloha-town.
You know, I really want a friend. Just one, I literally have never met someone who has the same tastes as me, music, television, movies, style, home decor, religion. And if it weren't for Miss Tiffany I may not believe such people existed.
I really want to move to New York someday, just pick up and leave with some money and get a job waitressing or something.
Sometimes it dawns on me that I only have one life, amidst reading about other people's lives on in the internet and in books, movies and tv I forget that I only have this one.
It's kind of hard to explain.
I just feel like I'm wasting it, well I have been this move and new life is not wasting it at all, it's filling it.
But after that I can't fall into another boring cycle of wasting my life. This is the time when I wear crazy things, go overboard with makeup, be loud and take roadtrips. I dont' have much respnsibility besides Lillie, when your'e young your'e supposed to do this. Well not supposed but this is a very good itme. And if I waste these years planning on doing something, thinking about doing something, waiting for it to come to me soon enough I'll be 25 or 30, I'll be in school or in a serious relationship.
I don't know. I just think.

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