a feeling i've always wanted and now have had for a long enough time to believe that it is no longer fleeting therefore i can pay attention to it and be grateful without the fear that this awareness will plunge me under and i will be without it once again.

i don't think about guys, especially this week. i've been so consumed with painting and my teacher and what i have to offer and what i want to do, all of it has centered around that and it has taken up my life.

i no longer feel i just bide time until i meet my soulmate. i have a purpose that i can do for as long as i live, something that i hope will fulfill me.

i need to reconnect with my Lord as always though, every time i drift i know it but there's this force pushing me away from picking up my Bible.