There are tiny little black ants around my room again but I just can't deal. I'm starting to hate my room and all of its crap. There's just too much but when I look around at the individual things it doesn't make sense to get rid of them. Even when I do clear out stuff I fill up one brown sack and it makes very little difference in the clutter. I think it's just the combination of such a small room and my attachment to my things, it's either because they're somehow sentimental or because I don't want to regret throwing it out because I want to use it someday. That's happened and it stinks.

But I don't NEED all this stuff, what is it? I see books and then dvd's and cd's times a zillion all a mess and out of their cases and scattered. My camera, chocolate lots of magazines, papers, purses clothes makeup, jewelry scattered because I don't have a specific place large enough to hold all of it and still be easy to access, hair stuff has the same probelem and makeup, camera bag scarves.

I feel suffocated and overwhelmed and I think the only way I'm going to really be able to change it is when we move, to decrap there and organize it better and have a BIGGER room.

Now with the ants, crawling all over stuff, on Lillie's water bowl even though I just put a new one out last night for the same reason, they're attracted to moisture. On the floor, my desk on my white macbook, that really irks me, all over the top of my dresser and my mess up there. It's like it's useless to try and get rid of them all because there's too much stuff to sort through.

You know, I also don't have that much storage.

Anyways, the guy sprayed outside. Lillie was in her house this morning, I've been trying to get her to use it for days but she has refused becasue she is stubborn and likes staying in her cardboard shoebox so she can play the "poor little me my mommy makes me sleep in a shoebox" card, she did that with the scratching post too, just looked at it and at me scratching on it and then walked behind my entertainment center type of this ad scratched on the back of it like she's been doing thus the buying of the post.

But I think she sucked it up and got in there because I was asleep therefore she wasn't admitting defeat because I was unaware, but then she overslept and I caught her and cooed at her alot and she glared from inside her beautiful little cube with pink flowers all over it and her pink blankie inside.

oh man my computer just got mad and the internet shut down thank the stars for autosave.

Anways, that's all I guess.

My parents are at a plateau I think. 

I'm pretty sure it's about 50/50. So I pretty much not only have no idea where I'm going to be when we're supposed to leave in April but I don't know if I'll be living with both of my parents or not.

I'm a form of ambivilant, it's easier that way. So I strive to do that, be that. Even though there's no decision, you get it. But I am affected, I just try not to care.