I DON'T EVEN CARE THAT I'M LOVING A SERIES OF BOOKS ABOUT AMISH PEOPLE BY BEVERLY LEWIS.

I REALLY WANTED TO GIVE UP WHILE READING THE FIRST ONE BECAUSE IT WAS TAKING SEWWWW LONG BUT I DIDN'T MAINLY BECAUSE MOM BOUGHT THE 4TH IN THE SERIES FOR ME AND I WOULD FEEL REALLY BAD IF I DIDN'T READ IT SO I KEPT GOING AND THEN I WAS ADDICTED AND NOW I'M RESTRAINING MYSELF FROM READING THEM TOO FAST BECAUSE I'M QUICKLY READING THEM A BOOK A DAY AND THERE ARE ONLY 5 BUT THERE ARE APPROX. 350 PAGES PER BOOK AND I NEVER KNEW THAT I COULD BE SUCH A GOOD READER.

AND NOW I WANT EVERYONE I LIKE TO READ THEM SO WE CAN TALK ABOUT THEM.

AND IT SOUNDS LIKE I'M TALKING ABOUT TWILIGHT ALMOST BUT I AM SOOO NOT.

http://www.amazon.com/Covenant-Betrayal-Sacrifice-Revelation-Daughters/dp/0764280716/ref=pd_bbs_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1238230695&sr=8-1

PS. DON'T READ THE BACKS OF THE BOOKS AHEAD OF YOU, I WAS ON THE 2ND ONE AND READ THE BACK OF THE THIRD ONE AND IT ALMOST RUINED MY LIFE.

TRUST ME.

you know what not only does this blog get read by like 2 people but no one is actually going to take me seriously and READ the books.

Can you imagine if people did that? If we had such trust in humanity that when we read of someone else loving something we immediately put forth effort to do the same?

Would we end up wasting alot of time and/or money or would we constantly be opening ourselves to new experiences, new material, new worlds.

I hate it when people write everything in caps all the time.

How I ache for a close Christian friend sometimes. Even just a close friend.

He's drinking again and without my permission a burden was instantly places upon me, a burden worrying for his well being.

Why is it so hard for me? What if he gets really depressed again? What if we leave and he passes out drunk every day? How can I not feel that?

How can I not feel responsible.

Since it is my thought for him, does that mean that is what I am to do? Be the one in his life to take care of him in a sense.

It's all too much. And it's too isolating.

And for the first time in a while I feel broken, and so so heavy.

I'm waiting for a Fleetwood Mac song to click. You know when you hear the right song at the right time and it just...clicks. You hear the echo of your heart and you can feel it.

le swoon.

Umm so it says I'm not following any blogs but I SO am so I'm hoping that that's just a glitch.

I've been feeling horrid yesterday and today just becuase of that time of the month. I just get so physically sick more than just cramps, severe nauseousness and stomach pains and lethargy? If that's the proper use of the feeling of lethargic.

I have a problem with picking and scratching at my head, and as always picking at my nails though SOME of them are sort of growing out. It works much better when I tape or bandaid my thumbs.

I'm so happy I got the first season of the Simple Life at Savers for $5. Thankfully it works because when I was paying for it I was like, if it doesn't work can I return it? And she said no becuase it's no exchange, and I was all, but what if it doesn't work! Do I have any guarantee that it will? She's all no we don't test them beforehand. So I go, so there is no way to know if this disc is even going to play but I can't return it if it doesn't? I'm just taking a chance and paying for it and hoping it works? And she's all...yeah. And I told her that that was dumb. Because it really is.

Just recently I've been reflecting on the greatness that is that show, Nicole is so flipping funny so I was really excited to see it so cheap.

But then today I looked on amazon and all of the seasons you can order are under $10, I'm going to get the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th for like $20 sometime, not now though. I ordered the third season of OTH and wanted to get the first seasons of Mad Men but decided against it.

Why am I so addicted to buying and watching TELEVISION? Apparently it's quite normal to watch tv shows or movies and want to imitate the jobs, but then watch another one and want to do that. Changing your mind based on what you're watching at that moment.

I haven't been writing anywhere online very much. I don't know why. Actually it is quite a bit, for some people. But very little to others. What is considered alot or a small amount almost loses its credibility in everything because every ten people or so have a different view so how do we decide what the average amount for every physical thing, activity, feeling etc. is considered "alot"?

We don't. And it doesn't matter.

I'm good with trying out new things and not feeling like I have to make a decision right now, or that I have to stick with a job for years or months because it pays well or that's what I'm "supposed" to do even if I'm miserable.

Some people can do that, some people hate their job but stay becuase it's not that big of a deal, maybe they don't have a happiness to compare to the drudgery, maybe they are not exposed to a possibility beyond that.

And some people can hate their job and know they would be happier without it but they are scared to quit, for different reasons. Or they feel like they need it, the stability and/or credibility.

And some people quit their jobs because it makes them unhappy.

It's become this thing where people hate their job, that's what you're supposed to do most of the time? How many people LOVE their job most of the time?

Yet most of these people stay.

Is it unrealistic to think that each and every person can have a job that they love? Are there that many jobs to people in this world? Or am I fooling myself thinking that we can't all have it that good.

But maybe we all could if we tried. If we didn't stay day after day, week after week just so we can have alot of money.

But there's always a decision to be considered, would you rather work a job you hate that pays well or do something you love and get little money in return?

It's all about which is more important and there isn't a right answer.

I value my well being and lazy happiness to be at a job that I hate. So I will continue my path that is not lined with walls, but footpaths I can take in any direction at any time I choose.

I do know that many times people are not faced witht he luxury of a choice, whether they have a family to support or anything else, sometimes you don't have to choice to choose which job you want and what you want to do. Sometimes you have to do what is possible and what permits you and allows you to do the best you can. But those of us who do have that chance to veer off onto whatever road we what almost anytime we want are lucky.

I think everyone deserves that, but not everyone gets it. It's not fair. Nothing really is. Okay some things are. 

Mom and I now have a secret, we did something tonight that we will tell no one about.

It was all very sneaky-like.

I'm not just out of shape. Ohhh no. I have the strength and durability of a two year old.

I felt so bad on the hike today up to Maunawili Falls, I thought I was going to pass out. I literally doubted my physically being able to finish the hike even though I did the exact same one years ago and I don't remember coming to the brink of death, plus my 8 year old cousin held up better than me.

I think I'm just....so out of shape I cannot handle those things cos it wasn't just being tired, it was my head spinning and my glasses getting foggy from the humidity/heat/who knows what and the nauseousness and the headache the the general side effects of working your body out.

I didn't die, though on the way back I did sway too far and almost fell off the cliff, then I fell in one of the stepping stone creek baby waterfall things and did this leg out lean bend thing in the water and rocks to keep from A. falling and B. getting my bag wet.

Then I fell again slipping on the mud on my bum all stretched out and got a cut. I think cuts are so cool when they bleed but they don't hurt TOO much so the pain outweighs the coolness of a tiny bit of open scarlet flesh. But it's gross if it's not on me I'm pretty sure.

That was me whining, and now Im going to be a big sissy girl and say that I am delicate and I can't do hikes like that unless I become really buff and I don't want to do that.

So deal with it, Chelsea's a little delicate pansy and I'm only mildly ashamed of that. As much as I wish I could do the outdoors things so boys won't think I'm the lamest thing since "America's Next Top Model" I cannot without becoming a buff version of myself.

Oh and the mosquitos. Darn things, not only did that get me but they got me more than anyone else but thankfully most of them have gone away. If they stay for a while they usually scar and then I get angry at the dumb scars on my pale skin.

Me on the way there "hey do we have any bug spray"

Dad "we don't need no stinkin' bug spray!"

Au contraire, let's not forget my delicate nature. I even told my dad after he saw me almost topple over the side of the trail that I just wan't his athletic daughter and I never will be so he will just have to accept that, not that he has given any indication that he hasn't accepted it. He has Bekah, and the twins on somethings.

Me? No. What's more is that I've had a headache alll day. Due to my strenuous activity and the toll it took only my petal self? Most likely.

BUT I DID JUMP OFF THE WATERFALL INTO THE WATER AND IT IS SO AWESOME AND I DONT THINK I GOT THE DISEASE IT SAYS YOU WILL GET IF YOU GET IN THAT WATER.

I told my cousin the disease made you grow gillls and fins and if you start getting them the doctor will have to shave them off and put a skin graft over it and that's how mermaids came to be in existence, from that disease.

And you'll start getting really thirsty all the time becuase I'm pretty sure one of those old Disney channel movies about mermaid people or teens turning into them or something had that side effect.

She believed me, then later I had to tell her I was lying. I've done that a few times since she's been here.

It's probably not good.

The first time I went on the hike was after I had just seen "Tuck Everlasting" in theatres 3 times and was like "OMGZZZ IT'S JUST LYKE THE MOOVIEEEE I'M GUNNA BE WINNIEEE."

I was so much more mature this time, I also compared it to scenes in Lost.

Day nine of not wearing pants.

So we bought the plane tickets for next Wednesday, bought some more suitcases, I told friends I was leaving. And then they talked and my mom felt God pulling her to stay. Even though she wants to go, she feels God pulling her to stay and she has no peace.

When she came back to my room to tell me that last night, I told her I had never been so mad at her before.

After the last time she did it, changed her mind and hurt me so much I trusted her this time. I was already packing away outfits in my mind, thinking about what I'm going to do there (libraries) picking out which DVD's to bring and why, trying to cover all the bases. I was planning everything, even college and when she changed her mind it's like my life crumbled. I finally had direction, I knew where I was going and I could plan but not only is that all down the pooper I have no idea now, there is now second plan. I'm back sitting around waiting for God knows what. We could be livingin San Antonio, or anywhere else.

So yeah, I feel blank. Real blank.

But I watched "Australia" last night and it was SO GOOD. I don't care what anyone says, even though it bombed and blah blah blah. I loved ittttttttt. Soooo gooododdddd. Hugh Jackman was a good man in the movie, I like good men, I like thinking "oh my FH needs to be like that guy" and he was a good guy.

FH= future husband

A horrible feeling is a feeling where nothing you can think of would make you feel better.

Sometimes all you can do is go to sleep and hope your spirit will be revived come tomorrow.

Because all there is left to do is pray, and all that you have is hope.

                                    Only because it looks like corn, a corn necklace? Yesplease.

Today I pretended that one day I will meet my grand wonderful husband and for some reason he will have means. Money, not that that is why I married him at all, it was just a lucky bonus. And he will say "Chelsea you should buy beautiful dresses to look like the princess you are, beautiful and feminine and lily white, the princess the Lord gave me" and so I will got to Anthropologie and get these lovely things.

Even though most everything on here is not under $100, they probably average at about $200 each.

Nice thought.

Words:

israel

breakfast

Breakfast is such a pretty word, and name. 

_

Need to return perfume

this

for this

And Goodwill or Savers for more dresses. I've been doing well with the no pants things, that sounds like I'm half nekkid. That is not true.

Simonne and I watched the first disc of "One Tree Hill" yesterday and made cupcakes at her house, I'm glad I have a friend again. Not that she stopped being my friend, just that my poor social skills got the best of me.

IF everything goes to plan, and it has a record of not, but IF. We should be out of here in a few weeks, just my mom and sisters and I. For Colorado Springs, or somewhere else in CO possibly.

The best thing to do is to go with the flow. Ride the wave. Keep my head above water.

TIFFANY THE WORD VERIFICATION PICTURE WASN'T WORKING AGAIN AND JUST HAD THE LITTLE BLUE BOX WITH A QUESTION MARK IN IT AND I WAS ALL "HERHGHGDGH!!! NOT AGAINNNNN"

So I copy pasted the exact thing hur bekuz I iz resursfull

your derbeh comment made me lulz. I have these ones http://zennioptical.com/cart/product.php?productid=546&cat=22&page=2 And the quality is perfect, I don't think I got any of the extra junk on them but they're still unscratched. I also got these ones http://zennioptical.com/cart/product.php?productid=770&cat=21&page=1 But they were pretty screwed up, the lens didn't stay in tightly so they're really flimsy and unwearble and crooked, I don't reccomend half rims. But I think the plastic full rims should be sturdy and the wire ones you want (old mannnn) should be okay becuase they're full rim. The ones I just got are from walmart though, they have so many cute ones! I want to go back and get this pair that are rayban like but brownish colors for $19 plus the lens.

You know, I really don't like taking pictures of myself with a real camera, not even with photobooth all the time. I just like remembering days where I felt pretty as stupid as that sounds. How ridiculous is it to find a place to stand/sit and pose or look like I'm not posing, then find a shelf or other hard surface in my squished room to set my big camera on, make sure the spot I'll be in is in the frame, focus it then set the self timer and run back and look like it was TOTES KANDID. From now on I'm just going to take those mirror shots, not the slutty girl ones though. Or just not at all. Um, we may just move to Colorado Springs and my dad will try to find a job after getting there. Or they will split up, it varies day to day on that issue. Or we will end up somewhere really crappy becuase he got a job there. We were supposed to be packed up in the middle of this month. I taped the tips of my fingers to keep from picking at my nails. It's awkward. Oh and I got new glasses because I fell in love with Rachel's in The Family Stone. Oh and this is the 4th day in a row I've worn a dress or skirt. Wow.

There are tiny little black ants around my room again but I just can't deal. I'm starting to hate my room and all of its crap. There's just too much but when I look around at the individual things it doesn't make sense to get rid of them. Even when I do clear out stuff I fill up one brown sack and it makes very little difference in the clutter. I think it's just the combination of such a small room and my attachment to my things, it's either because they're somehow sentimental or because I don't want to regret throwing it out because I want to use it someday. That's happened and it stinks.

But I don't NEED all this stuff, what is it? I see books and then dvd's and cd's times a zillion all a mess and out of their cases and scattered. My camera, chocolate lots of magazines, papers, purses clothes makeup, jewelry scattered because I don't have a specific place large enough to hold all of it and still be easy to access, hair stuff has the same probelem and makeup, camera bag scarves.

I feel suffocated and overwhelmed and I think the only way I'm going to really be able to change it is when we move, to decrap there and organize it better and have a BIGGER room.

Now with the ants, crawling all over stuff, on Lillie's water bowl even though I just put a new one out last night for the same reason, they're attracted to moisture. On the floor, my desk on my white macbook, that really irks me, all over the top of my dresser and my mess up there. It's like it's useless to try and get rid of them all because there's too much stuff to sort through.

You know, I also don't have that much storage.

Anyways, the guy sprayed outside. Lillie was in her house this morning, I've been trying to get her to use it for days but she has refused becasue she is stubborn and likes staying in her cardboard shoebox so she can play the "poor little me my mommy makes me sleep in a shoebox" card, she did that with the scratching post too, just looked at it and at me scratching on it and then walked behind my entertainment center type of this ad scratched on the back of it like she's been doing thus the buying of the post.

But I think she sucked it up and got in there because I was asleep therefore she wasn't admitting defeat because I was unaware, but then she overslept and I caught her and cooed at her alot and she glared from inside her beautiful little cube with pink flowers all over it and her pink blankie inside.

oh man my computer just got mad and the internet shut down thank the stars for autosave.

Anways, that's all I guess.

My parents are at a plateau I think. 

I'm pretty sure it's about 50/50. So I pretty much not only have no idea where I'm going to be when we're supposed to leave in April but I don't know if I'll be living with both of my parents or not.

I'm a form of ambivilant, it's easier that way. So I strive to do that, be that. Even though there's no decision, you get it. But I am affected, I just try not to care.

I stumbled across Ashton Kutcher's Twitter today and realized that I really don't understand that whole thing.

Then I found the link to all the videos he does and puts on there so that's what I've been doing.

http://qik.com/ashton

I'm pretty sure that "Dice" has lots its place in my heart as my favorite song of all time. I'm not sure yet though, it's been so easy to have that for years, made everything easier, I never had to think about it.

But my listening habits kind of speak for themselves.

AND I KNOW YOU LOVE THAT SONG TOO TIFFANY CUZ WE R ~*~TWINZ~*~ LIKE CAMILLA AND HOE. AND NO THAT WAS NOT A TYPO.

oh ya and to be completely clear the list is betraying because one day I put Kaki King on repeat for Lillie to listen to while she napped all day long, but the rest I truly listened to alot. And alot.

GLASSES GLASSES GLASSES GLASSES GLASSES GLASSES GLASSES GLASSES GLASSES GLASSES

Lydia - I Woke Up Near The Sea
by UniversalMusicGroup

Oh man I love Lydia and haved loved them for a few years. Why aren't they famous yetttt?

A thirteen year old boy has had a child in Britain. Of the conception he told his dad "it was the first time he’d had sex, that he didn’t know what he was doing." His girlfriend is 15, he was just 12 when they had sex.

So yes, when I see young boys who should be playing with Hotwheels race cars hanging around Mcdonalds with their baggy jeans sagging, wife beaters and even a fake diamond earring in each ear I am scared. Is it just easier for today's parents to treat their children as adults? It would seem that way, let them do what they want and treat them like they want to be your job is considerably less difficult.

One of the many reasons why I am already planning on how I will raise my children, with old Disney movies.

Link here

you know those toys, i cant think of the name or even exactly what they look like.

it's a small plastic ball, clear but on the inside there's another slightly smaller ball that spins around when you move it, so like a ball in a ball. So you can shake it and the inside ball spins around even when you hold the toy itself still.

Get it? Well that's what my head feels like. Again. I thought it was my allergy medicine becuase my allergies were insane insane this morning but I'm thinking that it has something to do with my sinuses becuase of my alergies because i've never had this probelme with the medicine before.

It's horrible, feeling like your mind is spinning 100 miles an hour when you're barely moving. It's hard to even explain.

And I went on a walk of sorts today, not long, it was actually chilly outside but now I smell like outside so I'm going to take a bath and lasso my brains.

Ps. Tiffany I tried commenting you back but the little image of the word I'm supposed to copy in order to post a comment in order to verify that I'm not a robot wasn't showing up. And I also don't know how to foloow you.

WHY IS THIS HAPPENING I CAN'T EVEN TYPE STRAIGHT I KEEP ON HAVING TO FIX TO MAN YTYPOES IT HURTS ME MY BRAIN HATES ME AND IT HAS COME OFF ITS BRAIN STEM THING.

I should type in caps all the imte. like all the itme. all in caps.

you'd think it would ease up if i closed my eyes but it gets worse, it spins faster. i suppose becuase when my eyes are open i can at least somewhat logically know that even though my mind thinks i'm spinning i know i'm not, but when my eyes are closed there isn't anything still, just spinning.

oh man i don't want a brain tumor.

once when i was in old navy with my mom a few years ago i thought i had a brain tumor, i'm not a hypochondriac so i wasn't really seriously serious, 

i asked if it turned out i had one if she would get my a puppy,

 she said no.

 i was really hurt.