Story of my life.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Saturday, September 12, 2009
I'm exausted from lack of sleep and spreading hay around a field/husking corn, which granted me a painful blister. My room is a pit, I have tons of homework due and I am having the hardest time trying to crochet. I also feel like I need to take a shower. And I'm hungry. And this "earnestly praying for someone else" thing doesn't seem to be working.
But it's not about me. I am honestly so lucky. All of these are so good and a dream for so many people. I had the opportunity to help out on a ranch/farm and I was able to see real fresh corn, and shuck it and deem it good or chicken food. It's so pretty. I was able to love on some adorable doggies that were hilarious and beautiful. I got to use a rake and go out in a field and spread hay around and make myself sickly tired but I didn't have to do that for long. I got to help people in a very small way. I got to eat breakfast this morning, and coffee. I was able to listen to my new worship mix cd I made and drive in a car with leather seats and safety. I was able to see a doctor to help my mind and the chemicals in it, even though I'm not in dire need, I have the advantage of people caring enough to help me be the best I can be in that area. I got to eat Chick-fil-a even if it did make me sick. I went to Barnes and Noble, nuff said. I am lucky to have a mom who bought me a wondeful lunch and then desserts at Sonic. She also bought me some starter crocheting stuff, I was able to try and learn how to crochet. I have a family who loves me and one who looks up to me even though she never stops talking. I have a fantastic therapist. I have hope, a guy in my head who I really wish would skiddadle. I'm not ill, I have so much stuff that I don't need that it's filling up my room. I get to go to sleep in a fantastic cozy bed with as many blankets and warmth as I need. I have the best daughter/cat in the world. I get to go to church tomorrow and worship God without any fear.
Most of all I have a future that goes beyond death. I have the greatest privilege of having the God of the universe care enough about me to care what I'm thinking at every single moment and who takes care of me, I don't have to worry, ever. Ever. Maybe I have the privilege of having a future husband out there somewhere, who God is making for me and helping me, alot, to be ready for him too. I am so, so, so fortunate. I am safe from everything in the entire world, both physical and spiritual and every other "al" in existence.
That is the real truth that is so easy to exist when I focus on the trivial things that upset me.
But it's not about me. I am honestly so lucky. All of these are so good and a dream for so many people. I had the opportunity to help out on a ranch/farm and I was able to see real fresh corn, and shuck it and deem it good or chicken food. It's so pretty. I was able to love on some adorable doggies that were hilarious and beautiful. I got to use a rake and go out in a field and spread hay around and make myself sickly tired but I didn't have to do that for long. I got to help people in a very small way. I got to eat breakfast this morning, and coffee. I was able to listen to my new worship mix cd I made and drive in a car with leather seats and safety. I was able to see a doctor to help my mind and the chemicals in it, even though I'm not in dire need, I have the advantage of people caring enough to help me be the best I can be in that area. I got to eat Chick-fil-a even if it did make me sick. I went to Barnes and Noble, nuff said. I am lucky to have a mom who bought me a wondeful lunch and then desserts at Sonic. She also bought me some starter crocheting stuff, I was able to try and learn how to crochet. I have a family who loves me and one who looks up to me even though she never stops talking. I have a fantastic therapist. I have hope, a guy in my head who I really wish would skiddadle. I'm not ill, I have so much stuff that I don't need that it's filling up my room. I get to go to sleep in a fantastic cozy bed with as many blankets and warmth as I need. I have the best daughter/cat in the world. I get to go to church tomorrow and worship God without any fear.
Most of all I have a future that goes beyond death. I have the greatest privilege of having the God of the universe care enough about me to care what I'm thinking at every single moment and who takes care of me, I don't have to worry, ever. Ever. Maybe I have the privilege of having a future husband out there somewhere, who God is making for me and helping me, alot, to be ready for him too. I am so, so, so fortunate. I am safe from everything in the entire world, both physical and spiritual and every other "al" in existence.
That is the real truth that is so easy to exist when I focus on the trivial things that upset me.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
I just figured out/accomplished linking up all my blogs because they're on two separate email addresses so it was alot of going back and forth signing in and out and accepting permissions from myself back and forth until it was sorted out.
Aaand I hate cleaning my room, but I hate laundry more. And laundry is more important.
School wise:
SOCIOLOGY-
Quiz 1, 10/25 (I didn't know we had a quiz that day and I got there late and I didn't know it was two sided)
Quiz 2, 16/25 (there's no excuse for this one)
Quiz 3, 19/25 (this one was today, I still fail)
Essay paper thing, 44/50
ENGLISH-
Basically out of all the assignments I've received a check on all of them meaning I get full credit basically. It's so strange how ENG 200 is WAY easier than ENG 100 solely because of the separate teachers. It's ridiculous, I worked my butt off for a C+ last semester.
MATH-
Test 1, 96% (96/100)
In general I am so not doing as well as I want(ed) to.
There goes that "supa smart" girl identity I thought I might adopt.
Whatevs, my identity is "the girl who always has cat hair on her clothes."
Aaand I hate cleaning my room, but I hate laundry more. And laundry is more important.
School wise:
SOCIOLOGY-
Quiz 1, 10/25 (I didn't know we had a quiz that day and I got there late and I didn't know it was two sided)
Quiz 2, 16/25 (there's no excuse for this one)
Quiz 3, 19/25 (this one was today, I still fail)
Essay paper thing, 44/50
ENGLISH-
Basically out of all the assignments I've received a check on all of them meaning I get full credit basically. It's so strange how ENG 200 is WAY easier than ENG 100 solely because of the separate teachers. It's ridiculous, I worked my butt off for a C+ last semester.
MATH-
Test 1, 96% (96/100)
In general I am so not doing as well as I want(ed) to.
There goes that "supa smart" girl identity I thought I might adopt.
Whatevs, my identity is "the girl who always has cat hair on her clothes."
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Best thing about college is girls talking to their friends about how "badass" smoking is and how they're a vegetarian because they don't eat red meat.
And I wonder why I don't find anyone there I'd like to be friends with. I don't really wonder anymore I don't think.
I hate to say it but sometimes algebra is kind of fun, until I get a problem wrong. Until then it's pretty cool though and my teacher is amaaaaazing.
In closing, I feel like all I think about when I'm online is coffee. And my new therapist is quite nice and unlike anyone I've ever seen in all of my 12 years of being in our glorious mental health system. She seems like a totally normal person, like just someone you'd talk to and be friends with, only a really wise friend. She doesn't seem "superior" I suppose is what it is. Which isn't a bad thing, it's just what comes with the territory of having a certain amount of knowledge and degree and etc.
Now I'm going to go brush my teef (not Tiffany though) and take my nail polish off and go to sleep because then I can wake up and have coffee.
And I ate some chocolate every time Lucas and Peyton were on screen, why? I don't know, call it a weird version of Pavlov's dog.
And I wonder why I don't find anyone there I'd like to be friends with. I don't really wonder anymore I don't think.
I hate to say it but sometimes algebra is kind of fun, until I get a problem wrong. Until then it's pretty cool though and my teacher is amaaaaazing.
In closing, I feel like all I think about when I'm online is coffee. And my new therapist is quite nice and unlike anyone I've ever seen in all of my 12 years of being in our glorious mental health system. She seems like a totally normal person, like just someone you'd talk to and be friends with, only a really wise friend. She doesn't seem "superior" I suppose is what it is. Which isn't a bad thing, it's just what comes with the territory of having a certain amount of knowledge and degree and etc.
Now I'm going to go brush my teef (not Tiffany though) and take my nail polish off and go to sleep because then I can wake up and have coffee.
And I ate some chocolate every time Lucas and Peyton were on screen, why? I don't know, call it a weird version of Pavlov's dog.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
I hate Jon Gosselin.
And I'm really tired. Suprise, suprise. I need a day or an evening off.
If I didn't have dishes and a little bit of laundry I could do that.
There are brief, fleeting moments that algebra is fun. INORITE?
And I'm really tired. Suprise, suprise. I need a day or an evening off.
If I didn't have dishes and a little bit of laundry I could do that.
There are brief, fleeting moments that algebra is fun. INORITE?
Monday, August 10, 2009
Journalism-photojournalism-touring with bands?
There's has to be some connection between journalism and working/touring with smaller bands, merch stuff, press, photography etc.
I'm excited to find that path. Well, for my Lord to show it to me if it's meant to be.
There's has to be some connection between journalism and working/touring with smaller bands, merch stuff, press, photography etc.
I'm excited to find that path. Well, for my Lord to show it to me if it's meant to be.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Whoa ho ho dawg I think my vision's gettin worse because I just took my glasses off and my laptop screen, on my lap, is kinda wonky.
Not unviewable but not perfecto.
Snap I'm gonna need bifocals in the next 5 years and by that time my teensy areas of grey hair will have increased.
So I pretty much will be an old lady all around.
A crazy cat old lady that is.
KITTENS!
Not unviewable but not perfecto.
Snap I'm gonna need bifocals in the next 5 years and by that time my teensy areas of grey hair will have increased.
So I pretty much will be an old lady all around.
A crazy cat old lady that is.
KITTENS!
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
I have an interview for that little bookstore tomorrow, and I totally thought I wasn't going to get one because I was supposedly supposed to get a call the 3rd week of June and it's the 2nd week of July almost.
But still, I don't deserve anything from Him. Like this.
I'm also volunteering at Heavenfest on August 8. Again, I filled out an app online a while ago but after a week or so I didn't think anything of it, I really didn't think I'd get it in the first place at all, it was mainly out of boredom that I filled the thing out.
But I'm so excited! Man! Again, I'm sucking at life recently, especially my spiritual life since I haven't been praying consistently at all and have barely been reading my Bible.
Aaand as soon as I get accepted I'm going to enroll for classes at PPCC, not that I won't be accepted because c'mon, they have to accept you (unfortunately).
Then after maybe a year or so, maybe even one semester, who knows I'll transfer.
Right now Patrick Henry is looking really swell but -
a.) It's expensive. Expensive.
b.) There's a scholarship offered for the complete Journalism study thing but I don't know if I'd be able to get that even if I become qualified because I'm starting out at a different college, I don't know. The scholarship requirements are pretty intense and because of my background in High School I tend to underestimate myself too severely perhaps. I really don't know, I don't have anything that proves whether I'm "smart" or not.
c.) It's in Virginia, that's far, far away. I have a hard time spending one night away from home, man.
Sometime I'll probably get into why I'm choosing journalism, but not now.
And the depression is fine during the day usually, it's when I'm about to go to sleep that I get a really nice, unhindered view of how my life is and what it looks like. It doesn't look anything like I'd like it too yet I cannot complain. I can't. Out loud at least.
Well Mom's threatening to turn GG on within an allotted time with or without me so I'm going to go and try not to yell. She's just really stressed recently and thus extremely, ridiculously moody.
Ps. Where are you Tiffany!?
But still, I don't deserve anything from Him. Like this.
I'm also volunteering at Heavenfest on August 8. Again, I filled out an app online a while ago but after a week or so I didn't think anything of it, I really didn't think I'd get it in the first place at all, it was mainly out of boredom that I filled the thing out.
But I'm so excited! Man! Again, I'm sucking at life recently, especially my spiritual life since I haven't been praying consistently at all and have barely been reading my Bible.
Aaand as soon as I get accepted I'm going to enroll for classes at PPCC, not that I won't be accepted because c'mon, they have to accept you (unfortunately).
Then after maybe a year or so, maybe even one semester, who knows I'll transfer.
Right now Patrick Henry is looking really swell but -
a.) It's expensive. Expensive.
b.) There's a scholarship offered for the complete Journalism study thing but I don't know if I'd be able to get that even if I become qualified because I'm starting out at a different college, I don't know. The scholarship requirements are pretty intense and because of my background in High School I tend to underestimate myself too severely perhaps. I really don't know, I don't have anything that proves whether I'm "smart" or not.
c.) It's in Virginia, that's far, far away. I have a hard time spending one night away from home, man.
Sometime I'll probably get into why I'm choosing journalism, but not now.
And the depression is fine during the day usually, it's when I'm about to go to sleep that I get a really nice, unhindered view of how my life is and what it looks like. It doesn't look anything like I'd like it too yet I cannot complain. I can't. Out loud at least.
Well Mom's threatening to turn GG on within an allotted time with or without me so I'm going to go and try not to yell. She's just really stressed recently and thus extremely, ridiculously moody.
Ps. Where are you Tiffany!?
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